The other day, I spoke to a collegue of mine and she was particularly vocal about being single.
‘No guy has proposed to me till now.’, said She. I was not playing by the usual game of guessing and teasing till she comes out with the statement ‘Yes. I have a guy. Its not like I did not want to tell you. Just that I wanted to share it with you at the right moment.’ Instead my mind started wondering the odds stacked against guys.

For instance, the number of guys are considerably more compared to girls. Excuse the poor guy for proposing quick because he is obviously scared that some other guy might do the same and you might accept it. I have seen numerous couples walking on road and most of them had one thing in common. The guy would have his arm tightly wrapped around the female counterpart. It almost felt like ‘ No ! You cannot run away ‘. But now I understand what it meant. It actually meant ‘ Please fellow guys. This one is mine. Please do not steal her from me. I cannot publicise my desire more than this. I am holding her so tight that she can barely breathe. but as long as she breathes , she is mine.’

I mean there are so few girls everywhere. Every team in office has to pray each year during the time new freshers are inducted ( which happens sometimes around April-May) . My own prayers have ranged from ‘ please give us a hot looking team lead’ to ‘ please give me some female near my cubicle’. As soon as new freshers come and one of them happens to be a girl, everyone in the surrounding area pounces on the cattle. Almost like a leopard pouncing on the wildebeast except in this case it is like ten to twenty on one.

Even after beating up all your fellow leopards , you finally talk to the girl in your office only to find her co-classmate and co-fresher eyeing us with greed and jealousy. You decide to ignore him and then decide ‘ I am not the kid anymore.’ Besides, there is always this feeling that if she is even ok-looking she must have a boy-friend. So all we can do is shrug off our shoulders , call up that co-fresher – co-classmate of hers and tell him the most encouraging words he was ever going to hear in his corporate life ‘ Go get her bro. She is all yours.’. All this when you already know, she wont be yours.

When a guy tells me he is single, I am not surprised. Even I am single and there is nothing wrong in it. The odds are stacked against guys getting girls. However, it is surprising when a girl in India says, ‘I am single. What to do ? Thats the truth.’

Your immediate statement would be ‘ What ? No way. Come on. You look decent.’
‘I dont know. Nobody else thinks so. Isn’t that why I am single ?’
‘But this is India.’
‘Yeah . But its ok. Its not like I am sad or anything. I just thought of saying I am not in a relationship.’
My mind comes back to the presence of a peculiar case in the Indian Society.
I told her ‘You are completely socially inactive’
‘Do you think every girl needs to date in order to be considered active ?’
‘No ! She does not have to date but she should at least try. You are a wonderful female. You should give some guy a chance to be involved and if not you can leave him. There are so many guys in need of a chance.’
‘Its not like I really need one. I just thought of telling you how frustrating it is that every one asks me the same questions about me being single. No one believes me.’
‘Yes. They should not. Cause in this desperate girl-starved Indian society, every guy needs as much motivation as possible to succeed. I am sorry if i hurt you saying this but for your social inactivity in this society, on a scale of one to ten, I give you a minus two.’

‘Minus two ? Why not a minus ten ? And how can you give me less than zero on a one to ten scale ?’

‘There are people who try and fail. They are at level one. For people who don’t even try, they are below the starting scale.’

(P.S- This was not meant to hurt girls-guys. I can assure you no girls were harmed while writing this blog)

‘Dad ! The teacher asked me to follow my dreams .’
‘ Yes. As a matter of fact even I did. I was an engineer and then went on to do a management degree. However, I left all that to become an author. Well, I may not make much but I guess I am happy.’

‘Really Dad ? ‘
‘Yes son ! Dont let anyone take away your dreams’

‘Mom ! I spoke to dad and he asked me to chase my dreams. I want to open a Idli-Dosai shop. I want to live in the world of Sambhar and Chutneys and Dosai. What do you say ?’

‘Well ! Chasing dreams is one thing. But we are a middle-class family. You have a sister. You need to take care of her marriage. If you go around chasing dreams like your father, we are always going to be stuck in a rented house with a ten year old bike. We dont even have a car to travel to functions. These days, our relatives have stopped calling us for most of functions. We would be invited to so many parties when we are newly – married and your dad had a high paying Investment Banking profile. Then he left it to chase his dreams. I left mine to raise you and your sister. ‘

‘Ma. Are you telling me not to go after restaurant business ? You do know that all big people have come up after being extremely poor. You can take Ambani for instance.’
‘ No Son ! Remember this . You are not Ambani. People like him are one in a million. You are not one of them. You are an ordinary middle class boy who cannot dream. if you dream, you will end up being poor like your father.’

‘But Dad said he was happy living his life.’

‘Why wont he be ? I am the one who suffers right. I am the one who feels the pain when you wear old clothes and uniforms. He lives in an imaginary world. if you wish to join him, i am fine. But dont take your family down chasing your dreams. First settle your family. Get a job. make your sister marry a good guy. You get married. Get a good wife. Settle down with her and then think.’

‘Mom ! For all this to happen, wont I be almost forty when I am settled and everything. You think I would have the energy and drive to run behind my dreams after that ?’
‘Thats precisely how we women-folk have been managing to stop you men running behind your stupid dreams.’

As just another guy, i did the three things that every guy does before the start of journey.

a) Wish for a girl in the seat beside you (especially on a bus journey).
b) Wish that the I-Pod I had forgotten to charge lasts the journey.
c) Catch the Bus/ Train in the last moment possible.

Having boarded the bus, i picked out a seat somehwere near the middle of the bus. I chose the aisle seat and waited. Waited for some nice girl who had to book tickets in the last moment to come and sit next to me. Sadly, there were enough seats in the bus that enabled everyone to bypass me. By this time, I had settled down and was thinking when sleep would take over me. The bus stopped just after it entered the Expressway Toll-gate. The door opened and a beautiful girl entered the bus. The conductor was arguing with someone downstairs while she came walking by . I glanced behind me and found almost all seats had single occupants. This was to be my lucky day. Our eyes met. I gave a weak smile. Then the conductor entered the bus , came towards us. He saw we both were looking at each other and he called out to me ‘ Apun ka do ticket hai. Tu wahan baito’ . ( i have two passengers. You sit there with another dark fat male while this girl can enjoy the ride with her guy)

I went and sat next to the nice gentleman I had described above. This seat was just above the rear wheels of the Volvo. I cursed everyone and sat silently. It took just three more minutes for the tyre to get completely shredded and me stranded on highway waiting for another bus. I thought to myself ‘ Shit happens . Shit happens all the time’

I had gone to enjoy Pongal and had not slept properly. I came to the Dadar Bus stop at 5:15 PM after a day’s trip to Mumbai and waited patiently behind four more people at the ticket counter. When my turn came ,
I said ‘ One ticket to Aundh(Pune)’. He said ‘ Sava Paanch Bus chalega ?’
I looked at my watch ‘ You mean 5:50?’, He said ‘Yes.’
I said ‘Thank You.’ I already started to think whether I should roam around somewhere and then come back. He calmly gave me the ticket receipt where I saw the bus departure time to be ’5:15 PM’. It was already ’5:22′
I gave a good glare at the ticket counter guy and rushed to catch the bus. I was exhausted by this time. My seat was already in inclined position and I did not even have the energy to change its inclination. I sat down on my seat and slept off immediately. I woke up one and half hours later to find that there is a girl sitting beside me. Not just a girl but a really beautiful one. The bus did not have any lights on and so I was using the light from the sparse lights installed on the expressway. Immediately I regretted the fact that I had slept off. Just the day when every guy’s wish of having a girl beside you in a bus journey is fulfilled, I realise that I had practically slept through more than half of the journey. The biggest problem in sleeping was that I did not know what I did. I was so tired that I could have practically leaned on her without realising it. I did not know if I snored. i did not know if I did anything that would have spoilt my image. So I kept quiet. My I-Pod. Yes, it suddenly dawned on me that while I was sleeping my I-Pod was at work.

I usually kept my hand on the arm-rest but since a girl was near, I wanted to give her the freedom. I kept my hand on the side of the arm-rest, so that she could place her hand on the arm-rest and feel relaxed.

I suddenly felt her arm on the arm rest. In a way, it was actually touching my elbow. I felt slightly excited and composed myself. ‘Maybe ! Maybe she likes me. Maybe I did nothing wrong in my sleep !’. I tried to be the nice guy and moved by hand slightly away just to check whether her hands would follow me. After a couple of minutes, i could feel her soft hands brushing against my elbows. In the dark, I could feel my face gleam . My I-Pod was playing the James Blunt ‘You are Beautiful ‘song. The song and its lyrics seemed a perfect fit.

‘You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful.
You’re beautiful, it’s true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don’t know what to do,
‘Cause I’ll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don’t think that I’ll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful.
You’re beautiful, it’s true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don’t know what to do,
‘Cause I’ll never be with you.’

I was silently appreciating how I-Pod in its shuffle feature managed to play the most perfect song for the moment. The song changed but I had stopped listening to it anyway. I decided to act on her cue. I decided to show some courage and talk to her. After all, I had this type of incident planned for so many days. I mean I am sure everytime a guy travels in a bus, he wishes to have a good companion with him on his journey. I am just another guy on just another journey. Why would I not want the same ?

I was finding it hard to get the right words out. In my mind when such an eventuality actually occurred, it was planned to have me talking with the girl from the beginning. This was me, waking up from half sleep and trying to think of somehting cheesy , something romantic. I did not have anything to get her attention. I thought of looking at the time and comment something like ‘ I hope the bus is on time or something like that’. It was compeltely dark. I inclined my left hand , careful not to let go off our contact and pressed the side knob of my new Timex Expedition wrist watch. It had a back-light feature that I could use at night. I saw the time. It was eight minutes past eight. I decided to ask her in general about Pune. So I turned my head to face her and I glanced down at the arm-rest where supposedly both our arms were relaxing against each other. I realised that what I thought to be her hand was actually her purse.
‘Darn you vile woman !’ echoed in my head. My I-pod of course was one step better. It was playing the Linking Park – Faint song and exactly these lines when I realised it was a purse -
‘
I can’t feel the way I did before
Don’t turn your back on me
I won’t be ignored
Time won’t heal this damage anymore
Don’t turn your back on me
I won’t be ignored
‘
I felt like a big fool. I decided to say nothing and just go home in a quiet manner. When my stop was due, I just casually told her
‘ Hope it wasnt scary sitting with a guy.’ , She said ‘ No . I think you are stereotyping girls.’ There you go. One more girl against me. I gave out a false laugh and said’ Ok. See you. ‘

I took out my bag from the luggage compartment over the top of our seats and prepared to walk away when she said
‘You have a nice watch !’
Darn ! She did notice the watch !!

The roads seemed to say – ‘ Hey Nik. Next time you get lost in Pune remember to appreciate our sound road design. Crowded and dirty though we may be, we dont get you lost ‘

The Policemen seemed to say ‘ You always hated our presence. But when you are roaming at mid -night there with no one to protect you remember that here we were always there. Stopping you when you over-sped, checking if you were drunk, asking you where you were roaming. It’s irritating for you but essential because we want all of you to reach home safe .’

The Traffic Signals seemed to say ‘ Hey ! When you remember the police guy try not to forget me too. You barely see me useful in Pune. Half the time, I am just a blinking yellow gadget. True I slow you guys down. But I do my work efficiently sometimes even past mid night. Next time you see me at work, try appreciating me too ‘.

‘ Hey ! Are you alright ? The plane is about to take off and you are smiling in a strange manner !! ‘

I had to forcefully push my mind to come back to reality. The Pilot’s voice is heard ‘ Cabin crew . Be seated. We are Taking off. Confirm status’

The plane engine roared with its full capacity. Strangely, my mind had managed to drown the engine sound with the honking sound present at many signals in Chennai. I knew where my mind was zooming to. I knew those streets. I walked past roads with trees on both sides of the road.
My house is located at one of the most beautiful locations in Chennai. Trees, birds, preace. I call those roads – ‘Green Roads’ or ‘ Tree-Road’. So when I have to pick someone up, they just tell me – Pick me from the Tree Road’ instead of saying ‘Third Avenue’.

My mind drops me in front of my house. It rings the doorbell and waits. Waits till my mom opens the door , smiles at me and then hugs me tight. I think only women can break bones out of love. She laughs, cries and asks if I am staying behind. I say ‘No . Just a temporary visit.’. I can see the sadness and happiness in her heart at the same time. She rushes to make my favourite sweets. My sister jumps up and down. She immediately launches another one of her college stories and another one of her crushes. I start thinking ‘ I thought all this was routine. Yet it pains me to realise I am missing this routine in my life.’ It is this routine that makes us humans do the things we do.

I hear my co-passengers commenting ‘Will the take off be safe with this much vibrations ?’. ‘Relax ! This is how it is ! ‘. I am smiling at a distance. Too many times this journey made in the last two years. ‘ I am new to this. Please do not smile at me for being afraid of the take – off’

I knew he was not going to accept my response of not smiling at his anxiety, Instead I said ‘ Its not the take -off you have to be worried about in Chennai. It’s the air turbulence after the take off that scares everyone . ‘ The third passenger looked irritated that I ended up scaring the guy even more.

The plane finally takes off. I plead my mind to take me back to my house. I wish to be those film heroes who can afford to miss their planes. Instead my mind takes me to the queue in the Numgambakkam railway station where I was standing to take the ticket to Airport station. It was a huge queue and probably if it was 20 more people longer ( mind you there were 40 people in each of the three counters), I would have been late for catching the train. I have a big bag that I was dragging with me instead of hanging it over my shoulders since it was pretty heavy.

The queue progresses slowly and finally my turn comes. I state ‘ One ticket to Airport’ and the Railway official queries
‘ One way or with Return Ticket ? ‘

Rewind back to good-old school days. I was back then (and I think still am a nerd). So was my friend. So after our 12th standard examinations were over, we wanted to celebrate. We weren’t party animals or anything . Our party meant a rather generous drive on my generously old scooty. I still remember all my school friends making fun that even cyclists would overtake me and quite often on that scooty I had to witness the same thing actually happen. I picked up the scooty and my friend asked if we could go to a place five – six kilometers away. I was feeling delighted with the prospect of having no more exams and readily agreed to the what felt like the longest ride I had driven in Chennai back then. My friend kept saying we could reach the destination in twenty minutes usually. However it was half an hour and we just made it to the half – way mark. I was exhausted and so was my friend. We saw an Aavin depot ( The State Government run Milk Agency) and decided we should rest our old bones there. So we got down and stared at the milk booth. Various milk products were lined up and I felt myself unable to choose what I particularly wished to have.

My friend advised that we should try out the Yoghurt for two reasons ; one being I had never had one before. All my relatives who had relatives in the United States used to complain about how Yogurt was the closest thing to curd there. Second being that my friend hadn’t eaten yogurt since like sixth standard. Good incentive for us to start buying yogurt. Took the first cup and it was delicious. I just loved the taste of it. It was just a basic , plain yogurt. I do not know whether it was the company of my friend or whether the freedom from examinations but I felt it was complete bliss. That day our journey ended right there at the milk booth. We had fun eating couple more yogurt cups and then decided our adventure was for another day.

Fast forward to present and my friend is studying in the United States. I am working in Pune. And when my friend came on the yearly visit that these America bound students privilege us with, I rushed back to meet and catch up. Yesterday was my friend’s flight back. While going to my friend’s place using the same route ( since they had moved to their actual place which was our destination back then) we had unsuccessfully attempted seven years back, I crossed the same milk booth. I was tempted to buy yogurt for my friend. My friend was having acute cold and throat infection and giving yogurt could and probably would worsen the situation. And even if my friend ate the yogurt since (this is my assumption) there is still that childhood craving, I was pretty sure that their family would not approve of me buying yogurt especially when there was a flight to catch. I went to my friend’s place , ate lunch spoke about missing each other. The call-taxi came and we said our good-byes. No hugs or kisses . Just a plain shaking of hands. My friend disapproves any display of affection. So once more , I was waving bye to a pal leaving to the states. I took my vehicle ( upgraded to an Activa now) and commenced my return journey home.

i kept wondering whether because of your long distance our bonds have vanished. I felt pondering on how we parted as if we were just going to a ten-day vacation. Just shaking of hands and my friend had left. I barely concentrated on the road almost managing to hit a truck head-on. Then that milk booth appeared and I lost it. Till then I was worrying about the lack of emotion I felt. Now I was besieged by it. I was hit by volumes and volumes of memories and just one thought burned my mind. I had hesitated in buying a yogurt making the responsible decision. But now that meant I would have to wait for one more year just to have that yogurt again. One more year to again travel via that route and hope my friend doesn’t have cold then. One more year just to relive that seven-year old experience. Its been seven years since I had eaten there with my friend there. We never had it there again owing to me realizing there were shops closer to my home then travelling all the way there. But I guess now I know why the first time was a bliss. You need someone to share memories and experiences. Without my friend, it’s just a yogurt. With my friend, it’s a Yogurt Story.

This is my story. My sad story. I am going to get married. I am going to get married to the guy I love. I am going to get married to the guy I love and I am not completely happy. You see, us girls start dreaming about this day ever since lets say end of teens. We start fantasising on the way we would get married. How would you feel if you had to marry in a register office ? How would you feel if your teenage dreams of a grand wedding with you being the star of the show are taken away from you? And why ? Because I want to marry the guy of my choice. I have to fight with my dad. I can feel his tears when I see his face saddened and burdened by my choice in life. I have to leave my mother, who has been my companion in this life. She has taught me how to be a woman and when I am finally fulfulling my womanhood, she is not around to protect me. I have to ward off all my relatives. I have to be strong to separate from all of them. And why ? Why should I do this ? Because I want to marry the guy of my choice. My relatives curse me. My mom hates me. My dad is ashamed of me. And worst of all, my guy is still hesitant. He is still not sure whether we are doing the right choice. He does not understand that he is not alone in this fight. I am with him. I am there in his heart , mind and soul. However, he thinks he is alone. He is still trying to ward me off. And tomorrow morning is my marriage. And I am the bride. And I am sad. I am sad because being the bride I have to convince the groom that he is the groom. I am sad that on the eve of my marriage, i am standing near my window sill, narrating my thoughts to this near-white moon. For they say, moon signifies romance. And I am sad today because of romance. Romance has caused hatred amongst humans. Is Love so bad ? Is it worth it ?

The Groom’s story:

I am the groom. I am supposed to wed my love tomorrow. But I am not happy. I am not so good with words. I am not so proper in expressing my thoughts. But I want to pour it out to you. Because, I do not have anyone else. I have lots of friends but none who support me. My dad is not talking to me. My mom has decided that I do not belong to her. My cousins do not entertain me anymore. I am an out-cast in my own family. I wanted to marry and bring home my bride, introduce her to my whole family and live happily. Now, I do not think even I am welcome. I feel like running away. But I cannot. I cannot not because I cannot. I cannot because I cannot bear to see her eyes swell up with tears. I want to marry her. But I feel bad marrying her now. Why? Because now, if I marry she will not be the heroine in my family but the vamp. She will join me in being the outcast. What right do I have to give her the life of an out-cast. I have tried my best to convince my family. I set up a date with the register office in the hope that somehow my parents would come around and either kill me or side with me. Neither has happened. I am sullen, drunk and alone. She does not understand my definition of alone. I am not asking much. I just want my people happy with my decision. I do not know if I can marry you with half heart. I do not want to be a burden to you. I am confused. I need a solution. I am not a big romantic but she always smiles and points to you when we are walking during night. She tells me you are the biggest romantic in this world. So help me Moon. I am just a room away from her yet it feels like a world apart.

Moon’s story:

I have seen you together for so many years. I have seen you hold her hand. I have seen you pinch his cheeks. I have seen you both blisfully in love. I know you love each other dear. Yet your minds are clouded. Your minds are clouded by hatred. Your minds are clouded by hatred of human beings. Humans desire control. Humans love manipulation. Humans love agony. And they loving testing each other just to see the other’s strengths and weaknesses. There is one thing constant in humans. Their love to test you. I can see that the bride is a perfect choice because she has been naturally selected , through the trials of being in love and maintaining that relationship for this many years. Yet. Humans indulge in checking their compatibility through how much I rotate and where me and my enemy( The Sun) are present. Also they seem to be interested in the various other planetary bodies. And I wonder? Are these humans planning to live in outer space to be bothered with all this. All we do is reflect the light we receive and that has made us so important to you ? I know that the groom would very well be happy with his bride even without his family but not the other way round. Yet he talks to me trying to make me convince him that he should let go off the girl because he is worried of his family. Oh human. When will you realise that one thing that is more certain than an Indian Love marriage problem is that Love truimphs hate Always. (Period). Love wins. If your whole family runs on hatred and that hatred is your love then I would say you should hold on to your love. Love is more precious. I am not saying that because you choose Love , you are going to have a rosy life. But choosing love takes guts and determination in face of adversity. If you choose to walk that path, you are already a winner. I know me not being a human is easy to throw off big words combined together in the same sentence. To Live your life I would not dare. But I wish you all the best and will do my best to light up your path in the nights no matter what path you choose.
Because to me , you both have shown by your choices in life and love that you are already winners.

No ! It’s not the obvious gap – lack of keeping in touch. But the difference in growth of your personality and feelings since you last hung out with that friend. Are you still the kid, your friend expects you to be. Are you still bungling through your life ? If , you are still the same and your friend remains the same then there is no G.A.P.

If either of you have become – matured ( I am going to keep it matured) then it becomes a daunting task to get through the conversation. Their intended jokes or stunts to tease you fail desperately. You feel like – ‘ Please, it’s not like I am still in my college’. But, I guess it is not their fault. Somehow you both have been out of contact and their last memories with you are something like two years old. Whatever has happened in that time with you, is not known to them.

Consider this. I met my school bully after like 4 years. He thought he was still the boss. However, when he tried to bully me around , I told him his taunts are boring to the core. He got so insulted that a member of a school he terrorized could stand up to him.

Phone conversations are easier to handle. You can get away with them. However, it is difficult to run away face-face. A lot of my pals are studying and living in the U.S of A. I definitely do feel apprehensive, if asked to meet them. You do not know how big the G.A.P is going to be. You never know whether we can still hit it off.

When people say long-distance relationships are difficult to work with, I have to say that they are bang on target. I would say there are very few people who can hit it off even if they are living far away. It takes special connections and special love for one another but more importantly, it needs two people who can handle a relationship without physically being near each other. There are some, who can only be romantically involved with constant interactions face-face and logically none of us can blame them. Its their choice and their life.

I hope to have written something sensible that is prevalent across our lives. Hope you like it.
Adios
Psycho

Living alone haunted by your thoughts, unleashes the ‘Psycho’ in everyone. The inner beast is sometimes scary. Once, on my way to my hometown via flight, I was seated near the emergency window. I was instructed that this was to be used only during an emergency and that the door could be pushed open. This meant that if I did the same while the plane was still on flight, there was a distinct possibility that the plane might fall off. Thrice – at the least thrice I felt the urge to kick open the hatch. I even slid my fingers through the handle and tried to feel 100 + lives through my hand. You could say I was God during that flight. Does this feeling mean I am a ‘Psycho’ ?

I feel most alive during yours and my pain. I love sadness. I love tears. I am borrowing this quote that says ‘ People associate pain with reality. Humans need pain to live happily. ‘ I am probably the guy Agent Smith in the Matrix referred to. I love being with you when you are sad but definitely not when you are happy. Don’t ask me why ; Ask yourselves why you come to me when you are sad but forget me when you are happy ? Is it the ‘Psycho’ in me or the ‘Psycho’ in you that fails to appreciate someone standing by you when in need.

‘Don’t think/act like a girl !!’ So whenever a guy tries to feel empathetic or tries to logically reason out your stupidity, he becomes a girl. Is it a head fast rule that guys have to be dumb and act insensitive and that gets you to feel their manliness? Is thinking of various situations and issues before doing something amount to being a girl ? Wow then isn’t that a way of handing over the baton to girls indirectly saying i am dumber and you can rule me . I definitely think loads before doing anything though I have been accused of insensitivity. I am insensitive when I don’t bother about them. You have already hurt me and I don’t care anymore. Since I am a ‘Psycho’ and I seem to share some girlish characteristics that makes All girls Psychos . Nah ! Since they are naturally in that state and I just temporarily visit them, I am a ‘Psycho’ whereas they are called girls. Probably ‘Psycho’ is a guy in between a guy and a girl. Definitely not meaning physically but mentally in terms of thinking capacity and actions.

I love the peacefulness of being alone. It puts me into the thinking mode. I wonder and wonder. I connect various dots and then erase them to start over again just for the sake of it. Have you ever felt like in life, there are evidences and situations that point to you something significant is right in front of your nose ? Have you ever been chased around my numbers ? Let me explain properly my number problems -

It started 5 years back. I started seeing time in two digits. Meaning if say I am looking at my wrist watch , it always points to Ten-Ten , Eight-Forty, Six-Thirty – type of times – meaning that hour hand and minute hand always in same location. Computers have worsened the problem. Now I can see

10:10
23:23
09:09
08:08
. Sometimes I can see times like the following

10:01
05:55
04:40

In all these cases you can find that the time consists of only two digits. I find it unnerving to always find a time with only two digits. You can all laugh but for a poor Psycho’s mind, there is this feeling of oddness. What does this mean ? What does it lead to?

Am I a Psycho? Well, I certainly wish to be. I love the world that I see. Is it the ‘psycho’ in me that wishes to break away from groups and look at the sky alone. Is it same ‘psycho’ in me that yearns to be surrounded by people ?

All I seem to be certain for now is that I am a crazy guy with a crazy way of writing . Whether it touches the Psycho in you is for you to tell me.

Adios from the Psycho

All this, while the ambulance is navigating. I can see people commenting that the ambulance is not carrying any patient and hence the driver is just driving to cut the traffic. Little do they know, that just a few hundred metres ahead, is a place where the ambulance needs to be. I have seen the videos of the rescue services in Western countries and still never felt the need to change the poor safety response system here. I never felt the urge to fight against the municipality for digging up roads whenever they pleased. I never fought against the sub-standard contractors and designers who built the fly-over I use everyday. I thought I was a good citizen as long as I stuck to myself and not disturbed others.

I finally see the ambulance arriving at the spot. The ambulance medics take the body and slide it on to the stretcher. I can see the para medic checking for heart beat. i know its not going to be there. I know they will shrug and record one more accident victim. I can hear the ambulamce driver screaming ‘ If only I came here faster’

I understand. It isnt his fault that I am no more. All I can do now is walk away, wishing things change in future.